c'est la vie

So, yes. I obviously speak French. Well, if you really know me, you know that is a flat-out, bold-face lie. I think I know so many people sometimes, but when I really think about it, I am hit with the blatant truth that I do not. What does it mean to truly know someone?

Let's start with me. I am a woman. Married with children, the job, the cars, the house, the pets, the monotony of day-to-day mundane trivialities. But, WHO am I? Not many know that my favorite color is orange, the most left-out color of the rainbow. Or, that I am a closet fashion diva with impeccable taste in clothing and materials. Or, that I never wanted to be a parent, but am so happy that I am a mother of two beautiful and brilliant little people. Or, with what political party I am actually registered. The fact of the matter is that I am completely present to every person who has ever crossed my path, but have remained distantly elusive in spirit. I have a genuine nature to be open and honest, but I have the tendency to not dominate a conversation or share too much information. I prefer to be me, by myself. Perhaps I do it as a defense mechanism just in case I should choose to edit my preferences at any moment. The confusion wrought by such swift adaptations from my former self could possibly be devastating to any individual who is not accustomed to such behavior or thought patterns. And, I am not sure I owe anyone an explanation.

This leads me to you or someone you may know. Why should I explain? Is it not possible for people to be ambiguous in who they are, yet steadfast in their beliefs? Could that be labeled as deceptive or pretentious? I care not. In fact, it makes me even more confident in who I am when people doubt or cast judgment upon others. That same person will never be questioned by me. No unrealistic expectations of who someone should be based solely upon superficial knowledge will ever enter my brain. Maybe that is the foundation of open-mindedness or complete trust in human nature. Maybe when we do not rely upon molded definitions of what personality, belief, structure, path, mentality, or preferences another human should take or embrace, that is when you can truly consider yourself Genuine.

This conscious jargon is surely dismissed as naïve or too simple, that too many people in this world could never shift their philosophy of life by merely reading a rant by an ambiguously elusive woman with obviously too much time on her hands. Thus is life. I will never change.