To embark on a new adventure that changes the course of your life is certainly intimidating to say the least. That is where I am today. We have just moved across four states for my husband to begin his career for which he has been in school for eons it seems. I have always been the "worker" while he committed to his studies.
Since we moved, I have been on a leave of absence from my occupation. I actually don't know if I have a secure position in our new town even as I write this. It seems I have been shuffled to the side. My husband is starting from scratch. To put it mildly, we are completely unstable as providers for our family. So, how do we face each day? How do we continue our lives as usual for the sake of our children even though we have no control of the immediate future?
Simple words will have to answer those questions. Hope. Courage. Imagination. Memories. Ambition. Patience. Perseverance. Humor. Support. As an optimist, I consider these simple qualities of life to be enough to push us through this period of our lives. But, am I really an optimist? I doubt that, for I am far too cynical and worrisome to consider myself one who embraces a positive outlook in times like this. What am I? Perhaps a realist? Someone who is present in the circumstances at hand and can visualize the cause and effect relationship of her own actions? Someone who has a firm grasp on reality and yet does not freak out in a time of ambiguity? Perhaps. Or, am I just a woman who must keep on going no matter what for the sake of her family? I believe that is the true definition of who I am.
My family is what drives me, what makes me believe that every aspect of our lives will be better in time. And, in this interim, we will have to cherish the small wonders of our family. Milestones we are already witnessing: our children learning to read and loving it; our son losing his teeth; our daughter trying to ride her bicycle with no training wheels. What else could make us smile so much? Our family has so many moments in a day where we laugh and find happiness, so many moments where I feel proud to be the matriarch for this little group who obviously needs me. And, it is in this realization that I find joy and the strength to go on.
Wednesday, January 20, 2010
Tuesday, November 10, 2009
c'est la vie
So, yes. I obviously speak French. Well, if you really know me, you know that is a flat-out, bold-face lie. I think I know so many people sometimes, but when I really think about it, I am hit with the blatant truth that I do not. What does it mean to truly know someone?
Let's start with me. I am a woman. Married with children, the job, the cars, the house, the pets, the monotony of day-to-day mundane trivialities. But, WHO am I? Not many know that my favorite color is orange, the most left-out color of the rainbow. Or, that I am a closet fashion diva with impeccable taste in clothing and materials. Or, that I never wanted to be a parent, but am so happy that I am a mother of two beautiful and brilliant little people. Or, with what political party I am actually registered. The fact of the matter is that I am completely present to every person who has ever crossed my path, but have remained distantly elusive in spirit. I have a genuine nature to be open and honest, but I have the tendency to not dominate a conversation or share too much information. I prefer to be me, by myself. Perhaps I do it as a defense mechanism just in case I should choose to edit my preferences at any moment. The confusion wrought by such swift adaptations from my former self could possibly be devastating to any individual who is not accustomed to such behavior or thought patterns. And, I am not sure I owe anyone an explanation.
This leads me to you or someone you may know. Why should I explain? Is it not possible for people to be ambiguous in who they are, yet steadfast in their beliefs? Could that be labeled as deceptive or pretentious? I care not. In fact, it makes me even more confident in who I am when people doubt or cast judgment upon others. That same person will never be questioned by me. No unrealistic expectations of who someone should be based solely upon superficial knowledge will ever enter my brain. Maybe that is the foundation of open-mindedness or complete trust in human nature. Maybe when we do not rely upon molded definitions of what personality, belief, structure, path, mentality, or preferences another human should take or embrace, that is when you can truly consider yourself Genuine.
This conscious jargon is surely dismissed as naïve or too simple, that too many people in this world could never shift their philosophy of life by merely reading a rant by an ambiguously elusive woman with obviously too much time on her hands. Thus is life. I will never change.
Let's start with me. I am a woman. Married with children, the job, the cars, the house, the pets, the monotony of day-to-day mundane trivialities. But, WHO am I? Not many know that my favorite color is orange, the most left-out color of the rainbow. Or, that I am a closet fashion diva with impeccable taste in clothing and materials. Or, that I never wanted to be a parent, but am so happy that I am a mother of two beautiful and brilliant little people. Or, with what political party I am actually registered. The fact of the matter is that I am completely present to every person who has ever crossed my path, but have remained distantly elusive in spirit. I have a genuine nature to be open and honest, but I have the tendency to not dominate a conversation or share too much information. I prefer to be me, by myself. Perhaps I do it as a defense mechanism just in case I should choose to edit my preferences at any moment. The confusion wrought by such swift adaptations from my former self could possibly be devastating to any individual who is not accustomed to such behavior or thought patterns. And, I am not sure I owe anyone an explanation.
This leads me to you or someone you may know. Why should I explain? Is it not possible for people to be ambiguous in who they are, yet steadfast in their beliefs? Could that be labeled as deceptive or pretentious? I care not. In fact, it makes me even more confident in who I am when people doubt or cast judgment upon others. That same person will never be questioned by me. No unrealistic expectations of who someone should be based solely upon superficial knowledge will ever enter my brain. Maybe that is the foundation of open-mindedness or complete trust in human nature. Maybe when we do not rely upon molded definitions of what personality, belief, structure, path, mentality, or preferences another human should take or embrace, that is when you can truly consider yourself Genuine.
This conscious jargon is surely dismissed as naïve or too simple, that too many people in this world could never shift their philosophy of life by merely reading a rant by an ambiguously elusive woman with obviously too much time on her hands. Thus is life. I will never change.
Subscribe to:
Comments (Atom)
Posts
